I’ve been watching the Oprah Life classes on oprah.com and finished my last one this past weekend. I’ve learned so much during these classes and have been thrilled to share them with a really good friend, which makes the learning experience even richer. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge about letting go of some things (and people) I’d been holding on to- that I didn’t need to be.
People who know me know that my intentions are never to hurt people, but at the same time- I believe healthy boundries are important for everyone. I’m not a doormat- which I knew, but I struggled with some guilt for putting my distance between people that I knew had become toxic to be around. The guilt wasn’t because I didn’t know I needed the boundries- but because of the expectations they had and when I stopped playing into the victim role they are constantly in, the dynamics changed. They became outraged and I heard a lot of pretty interesting things- that I was a bad friend- that I only cared about my ‘other’ friends- that I was this, that and the other.
At first- it hurt me, but then I had to think about whether those things were true. It took me a while, but I evaluated the friendship and realized that I’d always been there- if they needed me- I dropped what I was doing and called them, or went to them and the list goes on.. I never asked for anything in return- EVER. I went through every point they made and I came up blank. Don’t get me wrong- I am by no means a saint or perfect person, because I make more than my share of mistakes- but in this situation- it was more of a someone having expectations of how they thought things should be and when I took a step back- the proverbial bomb dropped.
I thought about it- A LOT! and in hindsight I realized that nothing was ever enough. I love them and wish them nothing but the absolute best in life- but there was too much negativity and victimization going on- constantly- energy vampire if you will. Something I have seen with VERY FEW people in my lifetime.
This happened a long time ago- but it wasn’t until recently that I really felt released and knew that the decision I’d made was the right one.
What I learned during life class was exactly what I’d seen happen- is that when we decide we want to let go of those who try to pull us down- and into the darkness that they will fight and scratch and pull hair to try to stay in control and manipulate to keep you in that space. But that’s a space I’ve gladly left behind and plan to keep at my back.
Does this mean I won’t have bad days- or that no one else should either? Absolutely NOT! It means that in that happening that I don’t have to be a doormat and no one else does either. I’m surrounding myself with gallon people and standing in the sunshine.. and my true wish for everyone is that they can have the same. It IS all about choices and perception and nothing more.