I once had someone tell me that she felt she had everything together in her life and that nothing could be more perfect. She had learned everything she needed to know and would carry that with her the rest of her life. It was during what I would consider to be a authentic conversation up until that point- but upon hearing those words I paused… I first thought to myself- Have I missed the boat along the road somewhere because I knew I had nowhere near all the ‘know how’ to get me through the rest of my life, so how could anyone else.
I remember asking her about it- and she was talking to a point of what appeared to be arrogance & I remember saying that I would never have it all together- never have learned everything- because life was always teaching me something- I remember her look- as though she somehow pitied me- which puzzled me, because I really felt this was how life was- it had been my constant experience- learn- grow- fall down- get back up- hurt- really hurt- learn to deal and heal- sometimes deny- but said somethings would show up again until – feel- deal- learn and heal. Repeat. Repeat- student of life- That’s me in a nutshell- good, bad, ugly and sometimes really ugly,
Several years later and the person finally admitted that they were pretending to be what they weren’t so their likability factor would increase. Since I couldn’t relate as I am the total opposite end of that spectrum- I simply said- Love yourself and accept yourself and the right people will be in your life- the right people will always find you enough- but that has to start from within. It wasn’t too long after that we lost contact- but my biggest wish is to see everyone living a life that they thrive and learn in.
Coming out on the other side of this pandemic- I’ve realized that I have a long way to go to feel as though i’m in balance again. I keep working hard at it daily- and more often than not I do feel as progress is being made, albeit slowly (which I’m fine with), yet some days- Like today, I wake up and feel like I’ve taken 20 steps backwards. It’s on those days that I have to give myself the kindness I need and yet it’s on those days when it’s the most difficult. A lesson perhaps that I need to keep revisiting until I learn that everything is a work in progress and even when it feels like things are balancing out, there is still work to be done. For some- it may bring frustration- for me- I feel as though I’m collecting precious keys that I can carry along my life journey- ones that will open doors at exactly the right moment. Doors I don’t even know exist right now- but things are working in my favor simply for being present and willing to learn.