Through The Tulips Words of 'Wiz'dom

I realized today that something is amiss with me these days. What, exactly, I haven’t been able to put my finger on, but I’m trying.

I would suspect that it’s a combination of a plethoria of ‘little things’, which have been sitting, unprocessed in this grey matter of mine, and have snowballed into something larger than it should be.

That alone should be enough- but instead, I’ve found myself falling prey to some pretty negative and destructive activities the last few days. Don’t worry, by destructive, I don’t mean I’m off drinking, doing drugs, participating in lewd sexual behaviour  or anything like that- but I’ve found myself being pretty negative, and by allowing the negativity to take root, it’s created other problems- or shall I say- I’ve allowed it to manifest in other areas.

I recognize this; which is the first step to working through it and correcting the problem. Now, I have to understand the ‘whys’ and go from there, plus take steps to prevent this from happening in the future.

We all have speedbumps, but it’s how we react to them that make the difference, and my reaction has been far from stellar. I’m only human, so flawed- but I have to be true to me, and get myself back on track- and I will do just that.

How? I’m not sure, but I will get there. You can bet on that- I won’t stay down for long. I’m not only determined, but extremely stubborn. I think I get that equally honest from both parents, whom I adore.

Even though I’m not feeling very ‘grateful’ at the moment, I know the importance of finding the little things in every day life to be grateful for. Even though I may not ‘feel’ grateful, I am.

My Gratitude List for April 18, 2009.
Today I’m Grateful For:

• A quiet evening home alone.
• Silence-
• Recognizing when things are amiss, and working to sort through.
• Cherry blossoms.
• Chococcino (Chocolate cappuccino)

I really love that I can be any and everywhere, and jot out a few words here and there, or even share a picture if I have the urge.

I’m across the street in this photo. Well, you can’t actually see me, but you can see spring in all it’s glory. Isn’t it gorgeous?

The past two nights I’ve had the weirdest dreams. Thursday night, I dreamt that there was this fox in my yard trying to eat Mister Mistoffelees, so I grabbed him and put him inside, but when I came back out, there were six kittens outside, and the fox had eaten part of the leg of one of the kittens. I scared the fox away, and was crying over the one kitten, because I had left it behind. I remember picking it up, saying it was going to be ok, and thinking I was going to take it to the vet, when I woke up.

Last night, I dreamt I was on a vacation somewhere. I’m not even sure where it was, other than it was warm, and there was beautiful azure water. It could have been an island. I was on this bicycle, and went into this grocery store, and asked the person behind the counter if they could direct me to the area that sold Ferrari parts. The man behind the counter looked at me, and the pointed to a door in the back of the store. I walked to the door, and woke up when I put my hand on the knob to open the door.

I wonder what tonight will bring? I haven’t had crazy dreams like this in a while, at least not that I remember.